This is AMERICA

I've stumbled across quite a few hilarious images of AMERICAN related things that really made me laugh that I needed to share.

All restaurants should have steaks that look like America.  Just imagine sitting down at a nice restaurant and ordering "The America... Medium".  I get goosebumps looking at this hunk of meat wishing I could order it.

This is just downright funny!  Our country is so food focused that I bet quite a few houses were sold because some fat asses thought "Free Pizza??  I mean, we do need a new house so why not?"

Hahahahahahahaha... I love the idea here, but toothpaste on a hot dog might be where I draw the line.  No one wants to bite into a hot dog and be reminded of brushing their teeth.  I can't knock the hustle, but even American themed toothpaste has no place on a hot dog.

Unfortunately Billy Bob pictured above is no longer with us.  He suffered a heart attack after his attempt to eat the Sparkle Tower Burger, but he went down doing what he loved.  Honestly, that's completely made up, but you gotta admit, that could have happened.  This guy looks like the last guy that needs to be attempting a burger challenge.  The poor guy is a sneeze away from having a stroke, but in 'MERICA we respect that!

I love cheese, but really?  Come on now!

  

I'm going to close out this post with a picture of my wife in 80 years.  Yes, that puts her at approximately 100-110 years old, but she will love bacon as much as me.  Ok probably not as much as me, but my future wife won't be afraid of a little BLT like this.

The Original Buffalo Wing

This was more or less a coming home party for me because of how many wings I've inhaled over the years.  What you are about to lay eyes on is the tale of me going to the home of the original buffalo wing!  There was a ton of note worthy things that happened to me while visiting Buffalo, NY, but this is near the top of the list (nothing beats meeting the majority of the Bruins!!!!).

The outside of the place was nothing special, but at the same time it could of looked like a shack and I still would have been excited.  This is the home of the ORIGINAL BUFFALO WING aka my eyes saw a mansion instead of this barn looking building.  Knowing that I was about to feast on such a legendary treasure made my eyes tear up with joy.

Up first was a cup of buffalo chicken soup.  I saw it on the menu and had to ask about it.  Our waitress gave it a good review so my hands were tied and I had to order it.  Spoiler Alert here - this was the best part of the meal.  Not that the wings I'm about to talk about were bad, but this soup was amazing.  It had the right amount of heat mixed with creamy goodness mixed with chunks of tender chicken.  One of the best soups I have ever had to be honest.  The only soup that can hold its own in a toe to toe match up with this buffalo chicken soup would be a bowl of New England Clam Chowder, but I think the chowder would need to be in a bread bowl in order to beat it.  That's how highly I thought of this soup.  Top notch.

Then came the wings.  There were four of us so instead of us each ordering a dozen or whatever, we decided to get the biggest order they had which was a bucket of wings.  Kind of disappointed that the wings didn't come in a physical bucket, but they dumped roughly 50 of these bad boys on a pizza tray for us all to share.

Fontaine was clearly excited about them and rightfully so.  There were a ton of them and at the end of the day they were pretty damn good.  Tons of sauce, good amount of meat on the bones, and a nice pile for us to choose from.  But to be honest, they weren't anything special.  Would I eat them again?  Absolutely, but I doubt I'll ever get a craving for these particular wings.  I'd rather get an order of Kickin Buffalo Chicken Strips from Friendlys any day, but I'd also rather get that than most things in this world.  Overall I'd say the wings get a B to a B+ from me, but the experience of going there and having an original buffalo wing was an A- (due in large part to that soup).

And just because I took the picture and wanted to use it, take a look at this NO LOOK aerial shot I snapped:

McDonald's Fish McBites

You read that right. I ordered and subsequently ate a "shareable" size of McDonald's new Fish McBites. Since I'm writing this blog post you know I'm still alive, so they weren't THAT bad, but they weren't good.

It was this past Friday when I dared to be dangerous because of Lent. For the next few Fridays I can't eat meat so I'm reduced to PB&Js, things with cheese, and fish related items, so when Fontaine, Kelsey, Drew, and I were on our way up to Buffalo to catch the Bruins v. Sabres game, Fish McBites came my way.

To be honest, I was so hungry when we stopped that I was prepared to eat anything. Once we got inside and looked at the menu, I saw the Fish McBites and that "fishy fishy" song popped into my head from the commercial so I had to try them. Unfortunately I couldn't understand a word the girl taking my order said (English was far from her first language) so I ended up agreeing to the "shareable" size (which is for 2 people) and a large everything else. Not the best $10 I've ever spent, but they weren't THAT bad. They were more or less bit-sized fish sticks aka exactly what you would think. Would I eat them again? Yes. By choice? Probably not. After slamming down the 40+ McBites they gave me I think I'm ok with not having a Fish McBite anytime soon.

Pizza & Cookies

So DiGiorno is trying to revolutionize the frozen pizza game with this pizza and cookies combo. I gotta tell ya, on the surface, I'm all in on this. I love cookies and I love pizza so what's not to love about the combination? Quick answer: the price.

I'm a fan of both quality and quantity when it comes to food, so this pizza/cookie combo might not be worth it for me. A frozen pizza is a frozen pizza and cookies like these are cookies that are good not great. Instead of rolling with DiGiorno, I'd rather opt for a box of Ellio's pizza like I'm back in grammar school hangin out at Jeff Velleca's house or even a few Mama Celeste pizzas. In reality, I could get 7 Mama Celeste pepperoni pizzas for the price of 1 of these DiGiorno ones so I can't say that this is really good.

Will You Be My Valentine?

As we all know, today is Valentine's Day. Normally I'm a huge fan of the Hallmark Holiday since I'm a helpless romantic, but this year I'm technically Valentine-less because Scarlett Johansson hasn't returned my calls or replied to my emails. IT'S FINE, NO WORRIES. I'm sure she's just busy planning for our future.

Anyways, this day got me thinking about what I would do for my Valentine. I feel like I more or less go overboard with this day so obviously there would be flowers, chocolate, dinner, and just a nice day together, but if I was living with my Valentine, I feel like I'd start the day off with a bang via breakfast in bed. I don't know why, but I feel like breakfast in bed is the best thing for Valentine's Day. So if you were my Valentine, here's what could of came your way...

If this is our 1st Valentine's Day then odds are you'd get the classic breakfast.  Nothing wrong with a couple of eggs, some bacon, and toast.  I make this all the time for myself when I'm home in the morning and don't have work, but the thought behind making it for someone else and bringing it to them is where the "awwwww" factor comes in.

A step up from the classic breakfast would be none other than the above picture.  My roommate Dave and I actually collaborated on this breakfast (he made the pancakes), but I could easily surprise someone with this.  A nice stack of blueberry pancakes (for Valentine's Day I'd probably go chocolate chip or banana), scrambled eggs, and bacon.  Something that I need to point out here is that this was no ordinary bacon.  Let's add a little brown sugar to the mix and enjoy some candy bacon!  I have no idea why I don't do that more often for myself.

Last, but certainly not least come steak and eggs.  I feel like I saved this one til the end because it would normally cost the most money when you order it at a diner so I felt like it commanded the last spot.  Either way, steak and eggs is a solid combination.  It's no bacon and cheese, peanut butter and chocolate, or buffalo and ranch, but I'll take it 7 days a week and twice on Sunday.  Eggs always seem to find their way to my plate and a few slices of toast balance out the meal.

All in all I guess a lot of people are missing out on deliciousness.  To those who have someone, enjoy Valentine's Day!  To those like me who are single, enjoy it too!  Instead of buying flowers or chocolate for someone else, you can put that money towards treating yourself!

And to my future girlfriend (Scarlett), I'll get you one way or another.  Next up, surprise dating pizza!

Fast Food Gauntlet 3.0

Was this my 3rd fast food gauntlet? Yes it was. Was this the toughest one yet? Absolutely. Was Drew scared to attempt such a challenge with me? Indeed. But at the end of the day we both stuck it out and further raised the Fast Food Gauntlet bar to new heights.

For those of you who don't know what goes into a Fast Food Gauntlet, let me fill you in.  First, you can't do it alone because a) that would be sad, b) you shouldn't eat your feelings, and c) you need someone there to verify the Gauntlet.  Once you and a friend decide that you're going to embark on such a quest, you just have to abide by these simple rules:

#1 - Thou shall visit AT LEAST 5 different fast food establishments

#2 - Thou shall order 2 items from each menu

#3 - Those 2 items must differ at each place (can't order 2 McChickens or 2 Whopper Jrs)

#4 - Each participant is only allowed one drink for the duration of the Gauntlet

#5 - There shall be no excessive breaking during the Gauntlet - when you arrive at a fast food place, park the car, get inside, order your food, eat your food, then leave and go to the next one and repeat the process (idea here is to not drag out the Gauntlet in order for you to digest)

#6 - No bathroom breaks

#7 - Sauces, although not required, are HEAVILY encouraged

#8 - The Gauntlet has to take place in an area where at least 5 fast food restaurants exist - Enfield is where I do mine, but ideally you don't want to drive more than 2-3 minutes to go from one place to the next - I personally park and walk to a few of them

Now that you know the rules, it's time for Drew and I to dig in!  The first place we went to was McDonalds.  When people think of fast food they usually think of Mickey D's so we felt like we had to start there.  Referencing the rules, I parked my car outside of McDonalds and sprinted in so we could get this going.  We each ordered a McDouble and a 4-piece McNugget and I of course got some sauce on the side.  Drew may or may not have used some sauce throughout the Gauntlet, but I can only speak to my sauce intake and as you'll see, it was quite a lot.  We made quick work of McDonalds and it was onto the next one!

Arby's was right next store so we left the car and jogged over.  Two burger patties and four nuggets aren't enough to prevent us from doing a little bit of cardio.  Neither of us are huge fans of Arby's (and their food is ridiculously pricey for fast food) so we each ordered a thing of curly fries and a chocolate chip cookie.  Now I know there will be some people out there questioning the ordering of a cookie, but we're not trying to spend $10 at every place we go to and there is nothing wrong with a cookie.  Sometimes you need to think strategically here (unlike the first time I did a Gauntlet and ordered a Famous Bowl from KFC right in the middle of the quest and almost died at the end).  Either way I grabbed some ranch and we threw this back no problem.

Next up was a stop at the BK Lounge.  Drew went left with a Whopper Jr. and I went right with a Bacon Burger or a Rodeo Burger.  I forget to be honest because all the meat and cheese kind of blurs together at some point.  We did both get a Dutch Apple Pie aka a DAP.  I don't think I've ever been to a BK and not ordered a DAP.  Scratch that, there was one time I did that and that was when I went just to order the new Bacon Sundae over the summer (which was highly disappointing).  But BK was delicious and off we went!

Time wise we're looking at about 20 minutes or so at this point.  We hit up three fast food places, but we ran through them quick.  This is where normal men start to break because it's around the halfway point and the end isn't really in sight.  Drew was bending, but the kid's will never broke.  Was it because he was attempting a Gauntlet with a living legend aka the creator of such a fantastic food challenge?  Quite possibly, but I'd like to think it's because the kid has heart.  So when we got to Wendy's he sucked it up and ordered a 5-piece nugget with fries to my 5-piece spicy nugget (not as good as the original ones) and a frosty.  Similar to BK, I don't think I can walk into a Wendy's and not come out with a chocolate Frosty.  Not a great move for the Gauntlet because it's a cold milkshake and I needed to slug it back, but the brain freeze was worth it.

What up soft taco and hard taco!  Decisions in life are tough so instead of making a tough decision, I find loop holes and get both options!  Not a bad move on my part, but this was stop #5 and I started to feel pretty full.  Drew definitely felt full as evidenced by him opting for his drink, but he also grabbed a soft taco which means he's still in the game!

Essentially this is the whipped cream and cherry on top of the Gauntlet.  You only need to visit 5 places, which isn't that bad, but that was also the rule for the original Gauntlet.  For those of you who want to know, the original Fast Food Gauntlet took place in 2009 when Craig Valvo, Brian Livingstone, and myself took on the challenge right before I got on a plane to Vegas.  NOT A GOOD IDEA.  Anyways, we only did 5 places back then, but the challenge has since evolved and when I did the Gauntlet 2.0 with Mike Dekanchuk, Brian Baum, and Derek Donofrio, we expanded it to 6 places with Pizza Hut being included.  In version 2.0, both Derek and Baum threw in the towel and quit, but Mike and I persevered and completed the challenge, much like Drew and I did with the Gauntlet 3.0.  We actually were too excited to take a picture at the beginning and dug right in.  A slice of pepperoni and a slice of cheese a piece and #6 was in the books!

Now we're just showing off.  The Gauntlet has been beaten, but there's nothing wrong with pushing the limits and setting new heights.  There really isn't another fast food place in Enfield that was close so we made due with Dunks.  Drew got a cheese thingy and a munchkin (YES IT COUNTS) and I got a munckin as well but decided to flex the competitive eating muscle and get a large caramel iced coffee.  What a dumb ass move that was.  Remember, there is no dilly dallying when it comes to the Gauntlet so I had to pound a large iced coffee.  Not a fun time, but the deed was done and we were victorious!

You always have to have proof so those are our receipts.  Not sure how much we spent in total, but it's always worth it as long as you don't think about how much crap you just ingested.  Either way I think the Gauntlet 4.0 will be near impossible because of how high we're setting this bar.  We most likely will need to visit 8 places, eliminate the drink, or require each food item to be of a greater size and stature in order to keep improving upon the legendary quest.

If you ever want to embark on a journey of your own and need a champion of champions like myself to go into battle with you let me know!  I will lead you in the arena much like Gannicus lead so many gladiators in his time and burgers will fall to our bellies like the blood of fallen Romans on the sands!  (I really like the show Spartacus so start watching it if you haven't already!)

My French Heritage

Although I'm 100% American, every once in a while it's nice to appreciate my heritage.  Most people know that I'm Italian (50%), but I'm also Lithuanian (25%) and French (25%).  This post touches on the French part of me, but in reality I just ordered a bunch of things that had the word "French" in the title.

To start, a nice cup of French Onion soup.  French Onion is definitely not my favorite type of soup, but it's usually damm good.  If you've read this blog from the beginning you'll know that New England Clam Chowder in a bread bowl is my personal favorite, but French Onion definitely makes the top 10 list.  There are just too many great soups out there for me to put something that has so many onions in it near the top.  Matzo Ball, classic Chicken Noodle, Italian Wedding, and so on oust French Onion and they would really oust this version of French Onion.  I liked the two pieces of bread with cheese on them, but a great French Onion soup is one where a dome of melted cheese prevents you from seeing the soup at all.  When I order French Onion soup, I expect a thick blanket of cheese that seals in the warmth of the soup.  On a scale from 1-10, this soup ranked in at a 4.

 

Then came the main course.  I'd say 90% of the time I sit down at a diner and order something that's not breakfast, I'm thinking about ordering a French Dip.  Maybe it's because I get to dunk my sandwich in a delicious tasting Au Jus or maybe because it's the French in me, but I can't get enough of this sandwich.  Throw in some French Fries and we have a French trifecta!  Unfortunately there was something wrong with each French themed thing in this meal.  You already read about the lack of a cheese dome for my soup, but what about the cheese on my French Dip???  OH, THERE WASN'T ANY.  I don't care what kind of cheese comes on it (prefer Mozzarella, but I've had it with a few different kinds), but there needs to be some melted, gooey goodness on it!  This French Dip had none of that, but the Au Jus saved it.  I did have to request a second cup of it, but it was delicious.  Nothing like a bit of this bad boy after it soaked in the sauce and sponged up all that flavor.  As for the French Fries, nothing special at all.  No seasoning, no unique crisp to them, nothing special.  I actually didn't even finish them because they tasted so plain.  The Au Jus helped, but not enough.

 

So yes I'm French and yes I embrace that part of me, but the food really disappointed me.  I'll take Italian everyday of the week and twice on Sundays, but the "French" themed food has its moments.

Bacon Chocolate

The title says it all.  BACON CHOCOLATE.

 

This was a Christmas gift that I got from my Aunt Maryanne and I absolutely loved it.  Two things of dark bacon chocolate and four things of milk bacon chocolate.  What's great about this is that I hid four bars of bacon chocolate from myself after I got them and I just discovered them!  Christmas strikes again!  Some of my friends were fortunate enough to taste some of this (because I'm such a nice person who likes to share), so hopefully more can sample them in the future.  Bottom line is everyone needs to experience the joy that is bacon chocolate.